you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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