when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
