I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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