how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
