He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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