We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
