You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's JV to your varsity
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
