Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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