If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
