Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
