I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
