the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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