apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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