Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
