remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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