Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
