She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
