She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
