I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
