He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
