Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
