happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
