just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
