Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
