I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
