nut hugger
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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