Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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