My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
