hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
