"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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