I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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