Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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