3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
