I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
