Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
