I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
