saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Are my feet made of real feet?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
