I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
