dude i'm inner monologue high
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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