Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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