Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
