This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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