'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
