i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
