Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We need to get me chipped asap
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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