He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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