We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
