Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
