you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
