I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
