Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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