new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
