Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
