I think im going to throw up on grandma
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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