My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
