I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bring me that man meat
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
