whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
