Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
